I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
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How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
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Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
The air taste purple.
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