3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
