Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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