I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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