I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
