i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
there is puke in my bra ... again
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
