I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
