so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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