Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
