My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
