Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
