dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
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A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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