I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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