I never want to see another naked old woman again.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
