i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
