Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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