You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
