What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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