Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
