My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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