i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
