dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
