super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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