He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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