Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
