I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
