Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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