Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
