Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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