the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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