sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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