she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
