i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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