bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
