My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
