she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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