So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
