Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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