I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
