Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
