So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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