It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She has the best kind of daddy issues
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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