omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
