She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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