I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
