The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
