cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
