I got chris browned last night
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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