Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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