so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
