we made out on top of his cat.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
