im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
