apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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