i think my tv is drunk
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
