As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
