listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
