You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
