Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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