Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
