I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
