I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
