Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
