I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
