i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
