i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
