Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
