Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
