Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You can't just leave with hair like that
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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