I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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