I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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