You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
