Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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