the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
