ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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