No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
